How Expectations Can Affect Your Happiness

I think we all know that having unrealistic expectations can affect our happiness.  But really, what are “unrealistic expectations”?  I’ve always been someone who has high standards and high expectations of others, and myself.  And I’ve been repeatedly let down, until I learned to manage my expectations.  I have to say- I still struggle with this to this day though.

The first thing I think about when I consider unrealistic expectations is having someone rave about something, be it a restaurant, movie, or anything really.  Someone raving about something makes me think that it must be everything that they are saying, and that I will love it as much as they do.  As often as I agree, I also disagree with them.  And, if I’m not careful, my expectations of that experience can negatively impact my happiness when I’m “let down” by my anticipation.  I always find that if I go into a situation or an experience with lowered expectations, I always enjoy them more.  An example of this was a country music festival I went to years ago.  We were going to see Big & Rich.  I wasn’t overly excited to see them and really thought they were a bit cheesy- making reference to their “Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy” video.  Well, they were excellent, and had a fabulous concert- and I became a fan.

When I started nursing I had to quickly change my expectations of my patients.  I expected that my patients would listen to my “words of wisdom 😉” and change their lifestyle factors to help them heal or get healthy.  Well did I have an eye opening!  I remember being so frustrated and thinking “if they would just listen, they would get better”, and I assumed they were non-compliant.  But were they really?  I expected them to behave a certain way (my way) and they were choosing to go their own way.  Who am I to tell them how to behave?

I’ve lost friends, both because I expected them to behave in a certain way, and they didn’t, and also because they expected me to behave in a way that I also did not.  I’ve also had friends who I expected to do certain things or say certain things because they had done so in the past, and I expected them to do the same again.  But when they didn’t (because they had changed), I have been disappointed.   These are difficult situations when we place expectations on others and can definitely impact our happiness (and our friendships).

Expectations others have on you can increase your stress and affect your happiness.  An example of this is unrealistic expectations parents have on their children to take over the family business, or to follow in their parents’ footsteps for their occupations.  Not being able to follow your own dreams can lead to unhappiness.

And finally, the expectations we place on ourselves can affect our happiness.  I’m a recovering perfectionist, and I’ve learned through the years to give myself grace when I fail and be satisfied with less than the best for some things.  It doesn’t mean I deny myself the ability to dream, make goals and have aspirations.  It just means that I have to consciously set realistic goals, have patience, and express gratitude for what I do have.

We will always be disappointed if we expect others to do the same as we would.  I’m sure you’ve heard that before.  The truth is, we have no control over what others do, we only have control over how we respond to it.  These are some things you can do to help you manage your expectations:

• Resist the temptation to plan everything in your life. Allow for disruptions to your plan and go with the flow sometimes.  I’m a work in progress with this- I hate surprises.
• Set small, and realistic goals that are your own, not influenced by others.  But dare to dream big and celebrate your small successes along the way.  If you do fail, regroup and reset and look for another way to achieve your dreams.  Use your failures as learning opportunities.
• Live in the present, and not in the past or the future. Mindfulness helps with this.  See my blog article on How Mindfulness Can Change Your Life here.  Enjoy life for what it is, not what you expect it to be.
• Stop trying to predict the future. We have no idea how other people will behave or what choices they will make.  Open your mind to options and possibilities.  But don’t worry about what might be.  Worrying just robs you of today’s happiness.
• Let go of your need to control people and situations. Embrace acceptance.
• Realize that each person has their own ideas, emotions, behaviours and experiences that can be similar, or vastly different than yours, and that people can and do change. Appreciate their differences and celebrate them!
• Be kind to yourself. Accept that sometimes you aren’t perfect 😉 and know that it’s okay.  And accept that those around you aren’t perfect either.  Forgive yourself and others.

Only you can create your own happiness in life and I sincerely hope that you are happy!  If you enjoyed this blog post, please sign up for my newsletter below for updates on future posts, as well as access to my resource library filled with printables to help you be healthy.

Please note that while I am a Registered Nurse, I am not your nurse and my opinions above do not constitute or replace medical advice.  Be sure to discuss any questions or concerns with your physician or healthcare provider.   Also, see my disclaimer here.  for more information.

 

Take care,